


Touch Me

by CadomirBane



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: First Kiss, Goth teenage Bane, M/M, Pre-Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6811738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadomirBane/pseuds/CadomirBane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifteen-year-old Maul is sent on a mission alone. Runs into a bounty-hunter-in-the-making who awakens something in the young Zabrak, until he'll never be the same again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written teenage Maul before so please bear with me, I'm hoping I got his character down fairly decent here.
> 
> Also note the use of my ongoing headcanon that Cad Bane's first name, by birth, is "Cadomir" (pronounced cade-oh-mere) and he shortened it to his nickname when he became a professional bounty hunter.

Mission to the Nar Shaddaa system.A planet that bred filth, criminal activity, and the worst scum of the galaxy.A place where anyone in their right mind would hesitate before breathing in the toxic fumes of the lower levels, where unspeakable crimes left their marks in the form of overlapping stenches.A hellhole where no one could be trusted, no one saw the light, and anyone could take whatever they wanted from you.

This was where young Maul, at only fifteen years of age, was sent for his first mission on his own.

Deep in the city of New Vertica, Maul had been assigned to find and kill a crime lord who had been causing, as his master Sidious put it, ‘financial headaches’ for him.The details of why he had to die were not specific…they did not matter.Maul knew enough about him to complete the mission.And make his master proud of him.

Today was important to the young Zabrak apprentice.It would be his first kill without Sidious’ watchful eye in case he made a mistake.For the first time, he found himself completely alone.In one of the worst planets in the Outer Rim.

Shivering, he pulled his cloak closer around his scrawny build.A hoarse cough erupted from the back of his throat.Hazardous environments were nothing new to him, but Nar Shaddaa’s putrid, oily air with the stench of the planet’s inhabitants was almost unbearable.All the while, Maul kept a watchful eye on his surroundings, wary of the fact that anyone might be following him to attack him.He would be prepared in case the worst happened.

Maul was not so lucky.

The gang of Clawdites slowly surrounded the Zabrak who had trespassed on their territory without knowing.They didn’t kill him, but they came as close as they desired.But not before four out of twelve of them suffered grave injuries, since they had severely underestimated their latest victim.Maul would remember little of what happened after he had cut them down.Only that when he woke up, he was shivering uncontrollably and he couldn’t feel his legs.

_I failed my master…_ was the only sensible thing that passed through his mind.

And then it changed.Someone dragged him indoors, into an elevator, down a hallway.Maul whimpered in protest but couldn’t do anything to stop them.Maybe the Clawdites had come back to finish him off.He felt his tiny, bloodied, broken body pulled through a doorway and heaved onto a ratty mattress.

“H-Hey buddy…hang in there…” someone spoke.A timid but warm voice.

Maul cracked open one severely swollen eye.

He saw red.As red as his earliest memories of his old home, Dathomir.Then he saw blue.

“You can kill me…” Maul managed to whisper.He felt blood trickle from his bleeding mouth.“I failed my master…so I deserve to die…”

“I’m not going to kill you.”Whoever was speaking put a cool cloth on one of his more gruesome cuts from a Clawdite dagger.

Maul began to panic.But he couldn’t move.His broken limbs wouldn’t respond as the individual continued cleaning his wounds and applying bandages.

“But, you’re not supposed to help me,” Maul cried.“I’m supposed to suffer.It’s my punishment for failing him…”

They stood up.Maul saw a Duros boy, even skinnier than him, with a lip ring, cheek piercings, and a blank tank top and leggings, smoking a deathstick.His eyes were a bright and brilliant red.He looked down at Maul curiously.

“You’re weird.”His voice got quiet.“I saw what they did to you.Bastards, think they’re so tough.You gotta watch out for them, but you probably didn’t know that, so you must be new here.But that’s okay, I was new here a few months ago too.”

“B-But I…ahh!”Maul shut his eyes as the Duros boy began treating his broken legs.Pain shot up from his kneecaps all the way to his shoulders.He had been trained not to shed tears from the pain years ago, but every now and then, he still winced a little.

“Just, let me help you, okay?”

“Why are you doing this?” he cried again.

“Well…I’m probably just saying this because I’m really, _really_ high right now, but…” he spoke slowly, carefully, as he finished cleaning up Maul’s blood.“I guess it’s because I couldn’t stand seeing you lying there waiting to die.It wasn’t right.”

“You’re a rather strange person.”

“I get that a lot.”The Duros grinned and licked his lip ring.“My name’s Cadomir, by the way.Cad for short.Cadomir Bane.What’s yours?”

Maul whispered his name quietly, staring up at his rescuer, wishing he had been left to die instead.

The painkillers knocked him out soon after that.All he saw in his dreams was the strange Duros boy named Cad who dressed as—Maul supposed it would be described as ‘goth’—who had saved him for some odd reason.

* * *

 When Maul awoke, Cadomir Bane was still in the room, which Maul now could see much better.  It was a rundown apartment, with graffiti and marks covering the walls, the furniture rotting, clothes and miscellaneous belongings piled up in the corners.  Cad leaned against the small counter, boiling a pot of water.

“You live here?” Maul asked, startling the Duros.

“Y-yeah.Have for a few months.Looking for work.”

“You weren’t born here?”

Cad laughed as he brought over the boiling water and poured into a mug.

“No, I left home to come here and start a career.But that’s not working out so well.”He shrugged.“Whatever.I steal enough every day to get my deathsticks, so I guess it’s okay.”

“I wasn’t born here either…” Maul stared up at the ceiling, and the crude drawing of male genitalia that had been left there some time ago.He frowned as he studied it.

“So how did you end up here?”

Reluctantly, Maul spilled the story of how his master had sent him to kill a crime lord living on the planet, and thus, how the Clawdite gang had taken advantage of him.Cad listened, vaguely interested, but not enthralled, fiddling with his hands and rubbing the back of his neck.

“I can help you find him,” Cad offered.

“No!I’m supposed to do this alone.That’s the whole point.”

“Sounds like your ‘master’ or whoever is being unfair to you.”Cad stirred some tea mix into the mug and offered it to Maul.

Maul drank it, but not before hesitating.It soothed his aching throat.As he drank it, Cad spilled his own story of how he ended up on Nar Shaddaaa.Maul only half-listened, since most of the story consisted of references he wouldn’t understand anyway.For some reason, he could not take his eyes off of Cad the whole time, as if afraid the Duros would disappear should he look away.The sight of him stirred something in Maul he had only felt a passing glimpse of here and there.

His rescuer’s peculiar attire, all the black clothing and the metal in his face.His inner-city New Tayana accent, with a dash of southwestern Duro drawl thrown in.His ‘twitchy’ mannerisms, how he could never stay completely still.The way he stole glances at the Zabrak when he was certain Maul wasn’t watching, although he was.And the way his cheeks turned bright green and he quickly looked away every time while telling his story.

The passing of time mattered less and less to Maul, as his injuries slowly healed.He slipped in and out of a fever some days, but otherwise his health improved.Cad only left the apartment to steal, and that usually happened while Maul slept anyway.Maul became envious, wishing he could see how his rescuer managed to swipe cash, food, and drugs without getting caught.To pass the time while he was alone, Maul found his thoughts dwelling on Cad, and his inner conflict with having been saved and given help.His master would say it was wrong, that if Maul had failed, he deserved to suffer the full consequences.That helping him would violate the lesson he needed to learn.

Yet Maul could not deny how it felt to have someone treat him the way Cad treated him.Look at him that way.Talk to him with that tone of voice.

It felt so different than the life he had always known.

He knew he did not deserve any of it.And in fact, he should be pushing it away for what he truly deserved.

Instead, he silently pleaded for more.

And every time Cad checked his bandages, brought him food, adjusted his pillow, or told another long-winded story, Maul wished it would never end.

* * *

The first kiss happened unexpectedly.

It had been almost three weeks since the Clawdite attack.Cad helped Maul sit up on the bed as he removed the bandages on his legs.Maul squeezed down on the sheets at feeling those long, smooth fingers against his calves.

_Dammit, what’s the matter with me?Why is just the sight of him doing this to me?_

It had to be wrong.These things Maul was feeling.The things he saw Cad doing in his dreams.The things that stirred in his blood when Cad smiled.Nothing about this could be good for him.

“Woah, you heal real fast,” Cad remarked, a cigarette pinched between his lips as he slowly took off the bandage.Suddenly he had two bare legs to stare at.Maul noticed a small flash of green over his nose and cheeks.“Are these natural markings or…?”

“Tattoos.I got them before my first birthday.”Maul briefly shut his eyes.“I can still remember it.”

Cad cursed in a language other than Basic.

“That’s real messed up.I got my first tattoo when I was fourteen and that shit was painful.I mean not as bad as when it got infected but still.That’s what I get for asking a friend to do it for free…”Cad took a deep breath, then slowly looked up at him.“Okay…need help taking off the bandage on your head?”

“No…I mean, yes.I would appreciate the help.”

_You just want him to touch you again.You’re sick.You’re disgusting.Everything about this is wrong.If Master found out you were doing this…_ Oh, Maul didn’t want to imagine the punishment that awaited him the moment Sidious discovered the truth.That Maul had not only allowed someone to treat his wounds, but to touch him this way…

Cad moved up on the bed and sat next to him.

“It’s not gonna hurt, no need to tense up.”He took the cigarette out of his mouth and cracked a small, rather silly looking smile, nearly obligating Maul to smile back at him.

“Just give me my cigarette back, Cad.”

Cad shrugged and stuck the cigarette back in Maul’s mouth before slowly peeling off the bandage.Maul closed his eyes while he smoked, enjoying the closeness.By the sound of Cad’s breathing, and how carefully he was doing this, he seemed to enjoy it too.When it was done, Maul looked at him.This was the closest they had been since Cad dragged him to safety.

“Cad…”Maul put out the cigarette butt and cleared his throat.“Have you ever…?”

He didn’t get to answer the question.He barely realized what was happening, only that he felt Cad grab his chin and pull him closer until their lips pressed against each other.Maul had never been kissed before, so he had no idea what to do.He kept his jaw slack as the warm, fuzzy sensation washed over him.Cad must have done a lot of kissing before this because he seemed to know exactly what to do to make Maul melt completely into it.He felt Cad’s tongue force his mouth open, felt his small fangs graze the inside of his lower lip.A low groan of pleasure and desire began in Maul’s chest, and he couldn’t help but reach up and brace his hands on Cad’s shoulders.Their legs brushed against each other.

The kiss felt like it lasted hours, but in reality, probably no more than a full minute.When Cad pulled away, Maul felt lightheaded.

“What was that for?” Maul asked, hoping Cad’s answer would be the same as his.

“Um…I’d been wanting to do that for a while…” Cad looked away.

“You…like me?”That didn’t make sense.Nobody was supposed to like him.Nobody was supposed to do this to him.Master had _said so_.

“Y-yeah.A lot.Must be your tattoos,” Cad tried to tease.“I’ve known I’m like this since I was nine.I’m not embarrassed about it anymore.No matter what people say.”

“That wasn’t your first kiss, was it?”

“Hell, no.I’m a bit of a slut, to be honest.I’m sorry,” Cad laughed lightly.

Maul did not take his eyes off Cad, feeling a deep glow inside him start to burn him up.He hesitated before he grabbed Cad’s hand, holding it tightly, once again afraid that he would disappear as he was far too good to be true.

“Cad, I like you too…I thought I was the only one who felt that way.”

Cad stared at him.While Maul felt no Force sensitivity in him, it was as if that same sort of connection passed between them.And it electrified the young Zabrak in the best way possible.A way he never could have imagined.

“Touch me again,” he whispered to Cad.

They didn’t go far that night.Didn’t take much touching and grinding before Maul was so exhilarated that he had to take a break.Which Cad didn’t mind.They shared the bed as night fell, barely fitting on the small mattress.As their legs rubbed against each other under the covers, for the first time, Maul realized that he had done something against his master’s wishes without thinking of the consequences.He would be severely punished back home, he knew that much.

But…for once, he had other things to think about.Such as how good it had felt to be with this strange little Duros for the past few weeks.And to know that he was not alone in how he felt.

Neither of them would ever forget it.Not even when Maul was well enough to leave and had to say goodbye, and they kissed for the second time—and what they both prayed wouldn’t be the last.Not when he spent the next month on the other side of Nar Shaddaa hunting down his target, and ultimately killing him.And not when he braced himself for his punishment when he returned to his master.

For once, he had something Sidious could not take away from him.


	2. Chapter 2

Coruscant system.The planet consisting of one big city.Color, life, excitement, and speed everywhere…at least from what Maul had seen of it so far.

His Master explained there was far more to Coruscant than what he would show his apprentice today.But Maul did not mind at all.

He had been looking forward to this day for _months_.Ever since his Master first mentioned it to him.Now it was finally here.

“Master…these clothes feel strange on me.”Maul tugged at his leather jacket with discomfort.He finished lacing his black boots, noticing that his hands trembled a bit with nervousness.

“It is common civilian clothing for someone of your age living in the Galactic Core.We are supposed to blend in as mere tourists.You’ll have to adjust to the discomfort.”His Master was also dressed in unusual clothing for himself.Rather than the typical dark robes as that of a Sith, Sidious had a neutral colored suit and a few accessories to help him blend in.

Despite Maul’s anxiety about how his clothes felt, he still struggled to maintain his thrill of what was happening.As His Master handed him his train ticket and stepped toward the station, Maul hurried to follow him eagerly, knowing better than to fall behind or he would face punishment later.He gripped his ticket tightly.

“You remember what I told you.”

“Yes, of course, my Master,” Maul said quietly.“Do nothing to draw attention to myself.Do not speak to anyone unless necessary.And do not use the Force for any reason unless you order me to do otherwise.Since I will be showing you the Jedi Temple, they cannot suspect anything about us.”

His Master simply nodded to acknowledge him as they boarded the train.Maul could not stop adjusting his jacket and fingerless gloves.If it would not punish him, Maul would be bouncing his knees, but he had to fight the urge.

He honestly felt like a fool…and yet, this style of clothing could not help but remind him of the Duros boy he met on Nar Shaddaa almost seven years ago.That strange, handsome boy who gave Maul his first kiss.Why he remembered Cad now, of all times, was beyond him.

* * *

That day gave Maul a thrill he would never forget.  Being so close to the enemy.  Listening to his Master explain how they would get their revenge against the Jedi.

He stood on the steps of the Jedi Temple, appearing to everyone around him as no more than a simple tourist.The chaos of the city overwhelmed Maul, who wasn’t used to such an environment.The more he tried to get used to the sounds of traffic, people of many species, and Force signals around him, the more his head ached with exertion.Nothing felt familiar…no one felt close.They all seemed so distant in the Force.

And yet, at the same time, Maul never felt so alive as he did that day.

“You see, my apprentice, this is where the Jedi have claimed their home for thousands of years.This is where they believe they are truly safe,” his Master explained, gesturing to the grand architectural spectacle before them.Jedi entered and exited the main entrance to the Temple, consequently receiving warm greetings from the tourists and passerby who had arrived to see them.Some, as Maul noticed, seemed to be greeted as if they were celebrities.Like they were truly the heroes of the galaxy.“They have allowed everyone to believe they are their saviors.But the Jedi are truly corrupt and hiding their wrongdoings underneath their precious temple.The people are too ignorant, blinded by Republic propaganda, to know the truth.That is how the Jedi are able to control them so well.However, when the time is right, when we finally show our faces to the galaxy, we will expose the Jedi for who they truly are.”

“Yes, Master…we shall.”Maul grinned a little, watching them.These common people were so foolish.So blissfully unaware.They actually believed the Jedi could save them.

But Maul knew better than them all.He was above them, aware of the actual truth.Pride ran through this blood, heightening his senses.

When their tour was over, Maul followed Sidious to a small but elegant restaurant on the fifth level of Coruscant.There, Maul continued to receive a more detailed description of the Jedi’s history, the Council, and the way their Order was structured.And yet, strangely, Maul found it increasingly more difficult to focus.

Something in the Force had begun to change.

Slow at first, but growing slowly, like a continuous dripping of water until it formed a pool in Maul’s mind.

Whereas everyone around him used to feel unfamiliar and hostile, now, one presence stood out among the others.Someone he had known before.Someone he had touched through the Force.

_It couldn’t be…_

“Master?” Maul asked as soon as he found an opening to speak.“With your permission, I shall retire to my hotel room early this evening.The trip has made me tired.”Not a complete lie…but Maul’s stomach ached with fear of being caught in only telling a half-truth.

Yet that presence…that strong familiar presence Maul felt an ever growing pull towards…would not go away.He had to find out who they were.And why they were here.

Sidious looked at him curiously.

“I suppose extra rest would not hurt, since tomorrow you have much more training to do.You know the way back by yourself?”

“I do, Master.”

_I can’t believe I’m doing this…lying to my Master.This is ridiculous.But, if I don’t do this, I’ll never know for sure why the Force is telling me these things.It will eat me alive._

As soon as his Master gave him permission, Maul got up and left.Outside, the streets of Coruscant had grown cooler with the rising nightfall.Creatures big and small, walking quickly, brushed past the young man with icy apathy.Pulling his jacket tighter around him, Maul pushed on, calling to the Dark Side to help him find whoever this was.Pushing through the crowds, wandering left and right among the tall buildings and traffic speeding by, determined not to lose the scent.Like an animal on the hunt.

After nearly an hour of walking, and seeking guidance in the Force, Maul found himself outside a casino.He took a few deep breaths before making his way to the lower level, which reeked of thick smoke, cheap liquor, and other substances Maul did not care to discover.He turned up his nose at seeing the filth around him…folk roughly his age gambling away their weekly paychecks at the slots, taking shots without caring to enjoy them, wasting away.Maul considered himself far above such things.And there, in the middle of all of it, Maul realized who was here.

_Oh gods, it’s him…_

Sure enough, towards the back of the room, sitting at the corner of the bar with a drink in one hand and a few credit chips in the other, a young male Duros sat alone.As he drew closer, Maul gradually recognized his face.The same large red eyes.The same lip ring.The same scar over his nose.

Maul cleared his throat and the Duros turned around.At first he looked intimidated, aggressive, like a cornered animal baring his fangs.But then it faded to a look of simple bewilderment.

“Huh…wow.”Cad stared.Clearly he now recognized Maul as much as Maul recognized him.Cad had gotten much taller in the past seven years, but remained as skinny as ever.He had a couple new scars on his face, and his fangs had grown bigger.His clothing was still in black shades, but less prominently ‘goth.’Maul also noticed that Cad now wore a wide-brimmed hat, but being that it was still a couple sizes too small for the Duros, the brim constantly fell down over his eyes, and he had to push it back up whenever he moved.

“Cadomir Bane…” Maul whispered.“I thought it was you.”

“Nar Shaddaa.I remember you.”Cad grinned at him.“What are you doing here?”

“That’s…”No, Maul could not tell him.As much as he liked the boy who gave him his first kiss, he could not test Cad’s trustworthiness now.“…not important.Just errands, really.I can’t stay for long.”

“What’s the hurry?Come on, sit down.Let me buy you a drink.”Cad pulled him to the seat next to him, and the hat fell over his eyes again.He pushed it back up.“It’s been, what…seven years since Nar Shaddaa?Whatever happened to you, huh?”

“I never forgot you, Cad.I thought about you on and off.That kiss we shared…”

“Yeah, me too.Wish you didn’t up and leave so fast like that,” Cad said.Maul detected a slight coldness in his tone.Bitter coldness.As if he blamed Maul for the fact that he could not stay.

“I had to,” Maul said, clenching his fist.If he told the truth, Cad wouldn’t get it.“I wanted to take it farther…what we had that night, but…”

“Sure.Whatever.I had plans too,” Cad muttered, finishing off his drink and then fixing his hat yet again.“You didn’t answer my question, by the way…what have you been up to?”

“Oh.Not much.More training, mostly.”That was the easiest way to summarize seven years of grueling lessons, trials, torture, missions, and constant punishment for the slightest mistake, lectures on the history of the Jedi that he had to memorize word for word, and gruesome cruelty that had taught the plead for mercy out of him.All those long hours fighting his chains over a pool of acid.Days spent in freezing cold, half starved, aching from broken bones, despising himself for even considering that he did _not_ deserve all this pain.All his Master had shown him about his great potential and the galaxy they would build together one day.Maul could hardly remember what it was like to be so young and naive as he was back when he first met Cad.

Maul wondered if, should he even try to explain how far he had come since they met on Nar Shaddaa…how much more powerful and capable he was now…if Cad would even understand it.Did Cad even have the _capacity_ to understand such things as the Jedi’s corruption and the inevitable revenge of the Sith?

“I can tell.”

“Huh?” Maul asked, suddenly back in the here and now.

“Training.You got a lot.Going on…up here.”Cad gestured to his shoulders and biceps.“You could probably bench press _me_.”

Maul burst out laughing, in spite of himself…and, _my gods_ , did it feel so, so fucking good to feel that in his chest again after years and years without.Pure, sweet laughter.Better than all the spices in the galaxy.

“Um, not with that huge hat you got on, anyway,” Maul stuttered, deciding to play along.“Which looks really good on you, by the way.”

Cad’s cheeks turned green just before the brim fell over his eyes again.

“You think so?I love it a lot.It’s the best hat ever.”Cad’s smile widened.“What drink do you want?”

“Oh, I’ll take a…”Maul wondered how he would break it to Cad that he had never been drinking before.As if Sidious would let him get away with it.“…what you have there looks good to me.”

“Corellian fireball whiskey it is.”Cad slapped his remaining credits on the counter.

“So…how about you?What have you done in seven years besides buy a hat?”Maul leaned closer, his eyes drawn towards the scar on Cad’s nose.

Cad gave him the facts in a cold tone, as if they were no more than arithmetic formulas that he had to list off.He had sounded far more enthusiastic on Nar Shaddaa.More eager for the silver lining.Whereas now, it seemed he had given up on any such positive thinking.That spirit had been lost in Cad somewhere during those seven years.

“Gone past just stealing now.Had to whore myself out for a few months to pay rent, but I'm done with that.I’m going to be a professional now.A bounty hunter, just like Jango Fett…that’s the goal, anyway.Gonna be the galaxy’s most wanted before you know it.”He glanced away.“Make them all sorry for what they did to me.Oh, and a month in Hutt prison cut my deathstick addiction.If you notice that scratching in my throat, that’s from what the guards did to me.”

So maybe Cad would understand some of it after all.Sounded like he could give an accurate definition of ‘living hell’, too.

“You’re a real troublemaker, aren’t you, Cadomir?”

“Not exactly.I just…don’t know when to stop.”Cad moved a bit closer.

“Oh?And will you know when to stop with me?”Maul arched an eyebrow, but he sure liked where this was going.His drink arrived and he took a few sips.He was used to bitter tastes, so it did not catch him off guard as much as he had anticipated.

“Probably not.”

Maul shuddered when he felt Cad’s hand brush his thigh.He did not pull away.Just Cad’s touch brought back vivid memories of his first kiss.How Cad’s lips felt against his, their bodies grinding against each other.The rusty bedsprings drowning out the sound of Maul’s whimpers and groans.Maul called those memories back to him through the Force on the rare occasions when he masturbated, secretly loathing that he dared to gain such physical pleasure.But now it wasn’t enough.

“Good.This time we shouldn’t stop.”Maul quickly finished his drink, craving the buzz he knew would happen soon.

“You sure?”

“I want to do it all with you.”Maul grinned, biting his lower lip.

He needed so much more with Cad.Even if Cad would never fully understand Maul’s calling with the Sith.

Maybe that made it even better, in fact.Maybe Maul needed someone who didn’t see him that way.Someone who just saw him because they wanted him.It felt odd…but kind of nice.

“Come on.Let’s go.I can see that whiskey kicking in you fast…”Cad took Maul by the hand and pulled him away from the bar.

Maul began to panic, his head swimming with the first effects of alcohol.He had been gone for a while.If he was not back at the hotel by the time Sidious returned, he would be in for a lot of trouble.But how could he lose Cad a second time?

“Where are we going, Cad?” he asked, unbeknownst in a demanding tone.Then he saw that Cad was leading him to the mens’ refresher.Cad pushed his hat up again as he pulled Maul into one of the stalls.“Damn, have you done this a lot with other guys?”

“And…a couple girls.Turns out I’m only about ninety percent gay.”He smirked.

“ _Excuse me_?”

“Whatever, doesn’t matter.”Cad grabbed his chin.

This time, when they kissed, Maul had a better idea of what to do.He pressed his hands on Cad’s bony shoulders and pushed him up against the back of the stall.One of his legs moved between Cad’s, his knee rubbing up against Cad’s crotch.Maul felt Cad nibble his lower lip, pulling at his jacket.It fell to the floor behind him, then Cad began working on taking off Maul’s shirt.

“Woah…”Cad stopped kissing him to stare for a moment.Maul’s shoulders were slender, but strong and taut with muscle, making him look even taller.His biceps flexed, rippling his tattoos as he showed off his muscles.He bore small scars here and there from Sidious’ Force lightning torture.A particularly large lightning scar crawled over his left shoulder, down his strong back muscles, all the way across to his right side.Cad ran his fingers down Maul’s six pack to his hips, eyeing him, licking his lip ring.“Real strong.”

“Can’t say the same for yourself, huh?” Maul teased.He kissed Cad’s neck.

“Ahh…hey!I make up for it in other places.”Cad reached around and grabbed Maul’s ass, forcing a loud gasp from the Zabrak.He had never been touched like that before.

Maul shut his eyes, trembling.The sensations overwhelmed him.Cad’s hands groping him, pulling Maul closer in just the right way so their crotches rubbed up against each other, making Maul moan loudly against Cad’s collarbone.He bit down on the blue skin until he heard Cad make a sound he had been dying to hear for all these years.

It felt so good.Way more than Maul could have imagined.He wanted Cad to give him everything.Wanted Cad to make him scream and writhe.Wanted that touch that said he was worthy of being touched.

No…no.It was _too good_.

Maul was not worthy of being touched like this.Of being given so much pleasure.He did not deserve to feel the way Cad made him feel.

It had to stop.

“Wait…” Maul whispered.

“Is…there a problem…?”

_Master will find you…he’ll know you let someone give you pleasure.You’re going to let him down.Fail him.Disappoint him._

_Don’t let Cad do this to you.You only deserve pain.Only pain…_

Maul jerked away until he could look Cad in the eyes.Cad’s hat was pinned up against the wall behind him at an almost vertical angle.

“I can’t…I can’t do this…”Maul began trembling.

“Woah, woah…what’s wrong?”Cad held him by his arms.Just his touch…that warm, gentle, but firm hold…made Maul jerk away.

“I have to go.I can’t…can’t…”He grabbed his jacket off the floor.His face felt hot.Tears rushed to his eyes, and just for that, Maul wished he were dead.He had been trained _not_ to cry, not to shed one tear since he was a small boy.And _now_ was when it came rushing back?!

“Did I do something wrong?Tell me…don’t leave me again.”

But Maul didn’t answer, and rushed for the door.Cad grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Hey!You can’t just run off like that,” he snapped.“Don’t leave me again…”

“Don’t touch me…”Maul glanced over his shoulder at Cad.Too late, a tear rolled down his cheek.“I just…”

“We can talk about this.I don’t want you to go.”Cad’s face fell.The look in his eyes, like he had been kicked through the stomach, killed Maul.

“I have to.”Maul tore away and ran out before the Duros could stop him again.As he pulled on his jacket and returned into the cold night air, racing for the hotel where Sidious would be soon, he fought back another wave of tears.His body refused to stop trembling.

Something in his chest hurt where his heart should have been.Like he was breaking from the inside.

_Cad…I pushed you away all over again.You must hate me now._

As if Maul deserved any better from the one person who had made him laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: some pretty NSFW stuff implied in this chapter, but nothing explicit

Maul did not stop running until he reached his hotel room.He was about to unlock the door when he recalled, to his humiliation, that he had left his key in the room.But not to worry.After he unlocked the door with the Force he walked in, realizing his body was still shivering.

“Master Sidious…?”Strange.His Master’s few belongings were nowhere to be seen.As if he had disappeared altogether.

_Oh.Of course…_

Sidious had played this method before, on other off-world training sessions.He would leave his apprentice alone, as a means of teaching Maul how to fend for himself without his Master there to guide him.The first time this happened, Maul had only been twelve and left on a backwater planet filled with swamps, deadly pits of quicksand spanning hundreds of miles in any direction, and caves filled with monsters horrifically mutated by pollution.It was a long several days that pushed Maul’s physical and mental limits considerably.But he needed it.

Maul clenched his jaw.He… _really_ hated being abandoned.Deserted.It stirred feelings towards his Master he did not trust himself with.Was he even allowed to hate the man who had shown him all the potential within him?Was he allowed to hate the misery he was put through, even though he deserved every bit of it?

No.He wasn’t.

Sighing in defeat, Maul positioned himself on the corner of the bed.One by one, he thought over his options over how he should leave Coruscant, and when.He had only been considering his options for barely a minute, when a loud pounding on the door made him jump.

_Damn room service._ Maul was fuming with annoyance by the time he opened the door.

He froze.Caught himself staring again.

“You followed me…”He gnashed his teeth.

“Of course I did.”Cad glared at him, but the hat covered his eyes yet again, ruining the intended effect.

“Why?”

“Because you ran out on me.Again.Why?” Cad demanded, fists clenched at his sides.

“Because I…I don’t know.”

“Tell me…”Cad stepped into the room, obligating Maul to step back.He pushed his hat up and Maul saw nothing but fury in Cad’s eyes, like fire.Why he found that attractive, he hadn’t the slightest idea.“What’s going on, huh?Why did you push me away when you knew I wanted you?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.Just leave me be.”

“Tell me.What did I do wrong?”His fangs glistened.

“You shouldn’t touch me.I…don’t deserve this.I shouldn’t like it.”

Cad stared at him with confusion, frozen on the spot.

“But you _do_ like it, don’t you?”

Maul couldn’t answer.When Cad stepped closer to him, he didn’t stop him.When Cad cupped his face, looking into his eyes, Maul didn’t move a muscle.In fact, he had begun to relax completely, something he had not done in years.He had always been on edge, waiting for the next strike, prepared to put his guard up.At least for now, that seemed to erode away, if only slightly.

“If you don’t like it, then I should just walk away and be done with it,” Cad said quietly.“Is that what you want?”

Maul could not take his eyes off the Duros.When he didn’t say a word, just let himself be held, Cad pressed up against him for another kiss.

Every discipline Maul had been trained to do for as long as he could remember told him to stop it all, to run away, to get rid of Cad…yet just enough of Maul clung to it anyway.And for one moment, he let it all go, losing everything he knew himself to be in the embrace.

* * *

They had sex all through the night, multiple times.  Afterwards they would tease or tend to the marks they left on each other, then Cad would smoke a cigarette and by then Maul could feel his body begin to ache for more.  And then they would fuck until they were breathless.

When Maul came to his senses once more, it was early morning on Coruscant.Morning light streamed in through the windows on the opposite wall.The blankets were a tangled disarray on the bed.An overflowing ashtray lay next to their pile of clothes on the floor.A skinny blue Duros curled up next to him, scratches all down his back and arms.Maul’s legs felt sticky as he rolled over and held Cad from behind.He pressed his nose against the back of Cad’s shoulder and focused on the sound of his breathing, a bit raspy and hoarse, yet comforting.

As good as his body felt, his mind could not feel anymore different.

_This was all a mistake…I did wrong.Mistake.Wrong._

While Cad still slept, Maul took one of his cigarettes.Having had such a blissfully vigorous night that he was completely unaware of his nakedness, the young Zabrak took a match and lit up for the first time.He gagged and put it out on the ashtray after only two puffs, wondering how in the hell Cad could enjoy those things.

After that, he went back to curling up beside the Duros’ form.Letting his fingers do all the deciding, rather than himself, Maul watched himself gently trace the marks and old scars along Cad’s back, occasionally pressing his lips against one as if that would heal it.Unsure why his body begged for physical touch.Aching for all the years he spent without it.Coming to terms with the startling realization that this night was the first time Maul had not slept alone.And worse, that it would probably be the last time as well.

_If Master finds out I made a mistake…_ It would hurt.A lot.The word ‘pain’ did not do his punishments justice.He deserved far worse for going behind his Master’s back.What kind of a Sith apprentice did it make him when he ran off getting laid when he should be getting home?A joke of one, it seemed.For this, his Master would be merciless.

But it wasn’t just his own punishment Maul considered.He remembered what Sidious had done, years ago, to the little stray kitten Maul had tried to take care of.He had been barely six years old, training in the rural outback of an Outer Rim system, when he discovered the poor thing.And dared to think he could look after the kitten without getting punished.Sidious would do the same thing to Cad.Kill him cruelly while Maul was forced to watch the whole thing happen in front of him.Reminding his apprentice over and over that this was _his_ fault, that he _deserved_ to watch the one thing he cared about suffer for Maul’s mistakes.

That could never happen.Not to Cad.He deserved better than to go out like that.He had to run wild and free, touch stars no one had dared to even look at, go places Maul had merely dreamed of.All the galaxy lay at the young Duros’ fingertips…it couldn’t all go to waste.

Maul decided that much as he watched his companion sleep soundly, face pressed into the pillow.Without thinking more than twice of it, Maul leaned a bit closer and kissed the back of Cad’s neck, liking how he tasted.

_I just wish he could always touch me like this…_

Cad woke up soon after that, rolling over to meet his companion with a sleepy smile.Red half-lidded eyes looked over Maul’s nakedness with admiration.

“See, aren’t you glad I stayed last night?” he murmured.

Maul nodded, in spite of himself.

“My Master can never find out about us.”

“He won’t.I’m good at keeping secrets.And I’ll teach you how to do it too.” His legs brushed Maul’s as he leaned in.

Biting back a small sound he had yet to make, Maul rested his eyes as their foreheads touched.

“I’m gonna go make a quick run to get caf and breakfast.”Cad’s lips met his.“Want to try one more time before I get dressed?”

Maul opened his eyes.

“Yes, please.”


End file.
